I hold the world but as the world

Location: Wellington, New Zealand

Saturday, October 06, 2007


I’m turning 25 next week and it is the first birthday I’m not looking forward to. Not because of the ‘getting old’ factor, but because I always assumed I would have done a lot more with my life by now. I thought I would be engaged or married. I thought I would definitely have travelled by now. I thought I would have done something meaningful with my life; helped someone in some way, done my VSA. Something.

So, what have I done? I’ve gone straight from school to uni to working for two years. 25 always seemed to be the year you became a proper adult for me, yet I have little to show for it.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007



A black, E white, I red, U green, O blue: vowels,
I shall tell, one day, of your mysterious origins:
A, black velvety jacket of brilliant flies
which buzz around cruel smells,
Gulfs of shadow; E, whiteness of vapours and of tents,
lances of proud glaciers, white kings, shivers of cow-parsley;
I, purples, spat blood, smile of beautiful lips
in anger or in the raptures of penitence;
U, waves, divine shudderings of viridian seas,
the peace of pastures dotted with animals, the peace of the furrows
which alchemy prints on broad studious foreheads;
O, sublime Trumpet full of strange piercing sounds,
silences crossed by [Worlds and by Angels]:
–O the Omega! the violet ray of [His] Eyes!

I only realised a couple of years ago that I have synesthesia. I was at Teachers College and was on my first teaching practice. I was doing a poetry unit and decided to use the French poet Arthur Rimbaud as a model. Rimbaud has a poem (above) that describes what colour, sound and texture each vowel has. In class I drew a big ‘A’ on the board and asked the students to tell me what colour they thought of when they saw or thought of the letter A. I was met by blank stares and there was much confusion as most of the class could not get past the fact that I had written the letter in black marker. Confused and dispirited I googled the idea of letters having colours, and voila, I learnt about synesthesia. Here is its definition according to Wiki:

a neurologically based phenomenon in which stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway. In one common form of synesthesia, known as grapheme → color synesthesia, letters or numbers are perceived as inherently colored

This is what I have – grapheme. How I see each letter (as close as I could get) is shown above.

But words take on their own colour depending on what I conceive as the dominant letter(s). For most words the dominant letter will be the first one. But some words have more than one dominant letter, thus the colour changes part way through the word. For example, LAZY looks like this: LAZY

This also explains why I really didn’t like my name as a child, because ‘L’ is an insipid yellow that is one of my least favourite colours.

Upon further reading I have also found that I have a type of spacial synesthesia where I have a calendar for the months in my head that reaches out in front of me. It works clockwise with December the furthest away, July the closest. It also records how many days are in each month, which explains why, as a child, I couldn’t understand why people had to rely upon little rhymes or counting on their knuckles to figure out how many days in May.

So that’s my explanation for a small portion of my odd ways.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007


Aggghhhhhh stressed!

Did you know that when you were at school and were stressing about upcoming exams, your teachers were right there pulling their hair out with you? I have so much to get through with my kids in so little time, even with after school revision classes. And then there is the marking of 150 essays in two weeks after the exam.

I don't want to go to school!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

One small step for man...

I got my cast off today. I was so excited; the freedom of being unencumbered, having hands free of supports. However, this promise of a normal life was crudely snatched away from me by the introduction of THE MOONBOOT.

Now, The Moonboot is a sexy black number; a contraption of Velcro and buckles with an open toe, the perfect accessory for any outfit.

I think I preferred the cast. It was a lot sleeker and at least you could tell that I had a broken foot. Now I just look like I have a gammy leg.

Stupid Moonboot.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007


This is great, check it out.


Oh, I'm great, thanks for asking.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

"O, reason not the need!"

I’m going to King Lear, and I’m rather excited about it.

The Royal Shakespeare Company is coming to town, and although that may not be a big deal to you Londonites, they rarely venture down here.

As no one appears to be quite as big a nerd as me, I’m going by myself, a new experience. I’ve never even been to the movies alone. I will also still be in cast with crutches, so I will be a particularly sad sight.

All for the love of art.

Thursday, July 26, 2007


Here is my disabled foot in all its glory. This is just after the stitches were taken out today and you can see the wee wires poking through my skin. Delicious.

But I now have a new and improved cast which I can actually kind of walk on. This is very exciting for me. So back to school on Monday, where all the children can laugh at me.